


We Can

by Wickedhorserider2012



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, Kpop - Fandom, Super Junior
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 17:32:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6866323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wickedhorserider2012/pseuds/Wickedhorserider2012
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by Super Junior's new song We Can.</p><p>(Reposted from my friend's account where I posted it originally!)</p><p>WARNING: Mention of Self Harm</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Can

**_We Can_ **

 

_“The days build up to the climax, to danger, to the top, You and I become us…”_

 

It started with chewing on his lip until it bled, until he woke up in the morning with the taste of iron on his tongue. He didn't think about it much until his mother grabbed him by the chin and bore her eyes into his. That was when it morphed from the taste of iron on his tongue too the taste of blood on his fingers. He would chew his cuticles until they broke, until he could no longer feel anything but the sting in his hands.

 

He was exhausted in a world where petals fell from trees and leaves died on power-lines. 

He was shifting into four wheel drive just to make it through breakfast, even though he didn’t eat anything. He was standing on the edge of a bridge, feet slipping over the edge, but he didn’t want to die. 

 

He wanted to fly.

 

Arms wrapped around him from behind and pulled him close. 

 

“Minnie-ah, what are you thinking?” Changmin sighed and leaned back against his best friend, the only person in the world who could cover his scars enough to keep him from deepening them. 

 

They were sitting on the grass outside of the high-school. It was almost summer break, a time Changmin desperately looked forward too because it was when his family and Kyuhyun’s left the city for the sea-side. There they would spend two months laughing and running through the waves letting it all wash away. There was nothing he loved more than the fresh air and the late night laughs from the bottom bunk he more often than not ended up falling asleep on instead of his own.

 

“Nothing” Changmin whispered, “You know me, sometimes I get a little lost.” Kyuhyun smiled and squeezed him tighter. “Isn’t that what I’m here for? To find you?” 

 

He chuckled. They had always been like this, close, affectionate. Nothing could ever come between them, or so Changmin thought. 

 

_“Words build up, to misunderstandings, to regret, to making up, we’re already inseparable…”_

 

The weeks passed by slowly, Changmin pulled himself from the all too familiar rut that caught him every now and then and set his sights on the ocean. 

 

They arrived on a cloudy Saturday morning. Changmin wound his fingers between Kyuhyun’s and pulled him to the beach. They dug their toes into the cool sand and stared out across the water. Changmin closed his eyes and inhaled the sickly sweet scent of seaweed and low tide. 

 

Kyuhyun dropped to the ground and lay in the sand. Changmin joined him. 

 

“Do you ever think about what’s at the bottom of the ocean?” Kyuhyun asked. Changmin turned to look at him.

 

“What do you mean?” Kyuhyun smiled. “Like do you think there are monsters and stuff down there that we’ll never be able to see? It’s crazy right? Thinking there are things that exist in this world that we might never get to see.” Changmin nodded. Something tightened in his chest, he wasn’t quite sure why so he did his best to shrug it off. 

 

After spending far longer than anticipated contemplating the life at the bottom of the ocean Changmin decided it was time to jump in. They ran towards the edge of the water and laughed as they splashed each other and dunked one another under the rushing water. At one point Changmin pushed his friend to hard and he resurfaced choking. 

 

“Aigoo! Do you want to die?!” Kyuhyun rushed at him and tackled him to the sand prodding at his ribcage. Changmin laughed until he couldn’t breathe.  

 

Catching his breath he realized that Kyuhyun had moved away from him, frozen, he kneeled against the sand beside him. The sun was sneaking through the clouds illuminating the side of his face. The older boy smiled. He hadn’t realized until now just how beautiful his best friend was. 

 

Following his line of sight Changmin’s eyes were brought to a young woman standing next to the surf. She had long wind tossed hair. She was slim and wore a loose sun dress, her hands lay at her hips softly. Changmin cocked his head to the side in wonderment. She was pretty but he wasn’t quite sure what had Kyuhyun so entranced. Before he could say even a single word the younger boy had rushed forward towards the object of his affection. 

 

Usually their time on the beach left Changmin feeling regenerated and healed. 

 

This time it left salt in his opening wounds. 

 

_“It ain’t over till it’s over, It’s not over until It’s over…”_

 

This summer was turning to the worst of Changmin’s life as he watched from the window, his best friend tossing a frisbee back and forth with a long haired girl. He had been invited to play but hadn’t felt like it. He didn’t feel a lot of things these days. He chewed his cuticles to the roots and watched as blood blossomed from the creases. He sat in their shared bedroom, on the lower bunk and took in the scent of his best friend’s shampoo. What was happening to him?He didn’t understand, he wasn’t sure he ever would. 

 

He was numb. 

 

That was the first time he drew blood from anywhere else but his lips or his cuticles. 

 

These scars were deeper. 

 

_“We are walking in the darkness…”_

 

He ran his fingers over the scars on his wrist and pulled his shirt down to hide the uncertainty. At least he knew his nerve endings were still firing, at least in the most primitive of ways. 

 

_“(take in a big breath)…”_

 

A couple weeks later Kyuhyun came stumbling into the kitchen with his girl in tow. Changmin was sitting at the counter sipping on a cup of tea. He had gone on a walk along the beach earlier this morning before the sun rose, hoping to clear his head. Nothing was see through anymore. Kyuhyun looked at him and smiled. Changmin took his lower lip between his teeth and chewed. Kyuhyun furrowed his brow, “Hey Sulli, why don’t you head home for lunch? I’ll meet you later.” He kissed her on the cheek, she smiled and scampered out the door. 

 

“What’s wrong Minnie?” Kyuhyun sat in the stool next to Changmin’s and placed his hand on his best friend’s thigh. Changmin shivered. There it was, that confusion, that pain, that need…he froze. He needed Kyuhyun.Why hadn’t he realized it before. They weren’t just best friends, at least not in Changmin’s world. 

 

The older coughed and shifted uncomfortably. “Nothing” he whispered. Kyuhyun rubbed his palm in comforting circles. “Don’t try to pull that shit with me Minnie, we know each other too well.” Changmin nodded shallowly. Kyuhuyn sighed. “When you want to talk about it you know I’m here, just…” he paused, “don’t hurt yourself okay?” Changmin chewed more vigorously at his lip and glanced down at his sleeve covered lower arms. He hung his head. 

 

Kyuhyun stood and walked towards the door. “I’m going to go meet Sulli for a movie in an hour, “ he scratched the back of his head, “want to camp out on the beach tonight? just us two?” 

 

A spark shot through Changmin’s darkness. He grasped it and smiled for the first time in weeks. “Yes.” 

 

_“Spread out your flag (put it in the ground), Take a big breath and take off…”_

 

That night Changmin sat in the sand tracing patterns with his fingers. He laid out blankets and brought down snacks and supplies for the fire pit. Soft footsteps met his ears and he looked up to meet the eyes of Kyuhyun. He smiled. The younger came forward and reached out to help Changmin up. He held tight onto his hand and let himself be pulled into a hug. 

 

“I’m so sorry Changmin. I’m so sorry I didn’t realize until today…” Changmin tensed. 

“I can see the blood on your fingers, you haven’t done that for a while now…I’m sorry I didn’t realize something was wrong…” Changmin took a deep breath. He settled into the embrace, feeling Kyuhyun’s arms around him like a cage keeping him from the outside world. 

 

He knew now. 

He understood.

He cried. 

 

“Don’t cry Minnie!” Kyuhyun spoke, alarmed, and lowered them back to the ground, gathering Changmin in his arms and rocking him back and forth. “Talk to me” he whispered softly against his ear. 

 

Changmin hiccuped against Kyuhyun’s chest, fisting his hands in his t-shirt. 

Kyuhyun suddenly grasped his wrists, eyes going wide. “Minnie…” he held him tighter, like he could never let go. “You promised me” 

Changmin shook, “I…” he sobbed, “I’m sorry.” Kyuhyun laid him down on the blanket and looked at him. His eyes were swollen from crying but the light of the stars shone against his chocolate colored eyes. He smiled, “you don’t have to be sorry Minnie, just talk to me, I hate it when you’re hurting.” Changmin choked.

 

“What did you and Sulli do today?” He gnawed at his lip again. Kyuhyun reached up and removed his lip from between his teeth with his fingers. “Nothing much, went to the movies. She’s really cool.” Changmin nodded, not realizing he had let out a muffled whimper. 

 

“Is this about her?” Kyuhyun leaned back and propped himself up on his elbow. Changmin nodded, not able to find the words to tell his best friend that without him he wasn’t sure he could survive. 

 

“Do…” he spoke up, “do you like her?” Kyuhyun sighed and began chewing at his own lip. Changmin smiled softly and reached up to press his hand against the other’s cheek, “if I can’t do it, neither can you.” Kyuhyun chuckled and leaned into Changmin’s touch. 

 

“I don’t know” he finally responded, “I mean she’s really cool and really pretty and really nice…” he paused, “but Minnie if something that has to do with her is making you feel this way how can I like her?” Changmin’s breath caught, “You always come first Minnie, no matter what.” 

 

_“We can fly away, we’re flying near the sun, Higher, look at it even more…”_

 

Heat rose in Changmin’s face as Kyuhyun reached up and placed his hand over his own his cheek and smiled. “I promise.” Changmin let out another whimper, this one much more audible. 

“Now” Kyuhyun continued, “please talk to me, and please please please stop hurting yourself. I love you Minnie-ah.” 

 

_“We can fly away, without anyone left behind, We will show them forever…”_

 

Goosebumps rose on his skin. He knew Kyuhyun didn’t mean that in the way he wanted him to. He took a deep breath and scanned the other’s face. 

 

“Kyu…” he said as he propped himself up to lean closer to the other boy, “I…” he paused. He leaned further forward, their noses brushed, Kyuhyun looked at him quizzically. Changmin placed his hand on his best friends heart, he could feel his heart racing. He pushed, just a little bit more and pressed his lips to Kyuhyun’s. He could hear the other gasp but he relaxed just as quickly and kissed him back with a new found energy Changmin hadn’t even known was possible. They pulled apart, Kyuhyun’s breathing was fast but steady, “I love you too” Changmin whispered.

 

_“When we were young and didn’t know any better, When we struggled and tripped…”_

 

The next day Changmin awoke on the beach, the sun beating down on his exposed skin. Kyuhyun’s arms were wrapped tightly around him, his breath tickled the back of his neck. He squirmed slightly and turned around in his grip to face him. He pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “Kyu” he whispered, “wake up.” Kyuhyun grunted, his eyelids fluttered open. He yawned, “Good morning love” he said, voice deep and husky from sleep. Changmin’s final blotches of darkness faded to light at the uttering of the pet name. He knew he would be okay, he knew he was stupid for not taking flight sooner. But, he couldn’t blame himself. 

 

_“It was hard, people telling us to do this and that, We stopped at those words, at those comments…”_

 

Laying there in the sun Changmin thought back to all the years him and Kyuhyun had spent together. They had always been like this, close, affectionate. This summer was turning out to be one of the hardest climbs of his life, but looking at his best friend’s sleep encrusted eyes and shivering as his hand rose to brush his bangs from his face, he knew, it would still manage to be the best. 

 

Kyuhyun cuddled him closer. “Shit” he whispered. Changmin nuzzled him back, “What is it?” 

“Well…” Kyuhyun continued, “I just realized that one, we are on a public beach, and two, I have to think of something to tell Sulli…” Changmin laughed. He hadn’t even spared a single thought to the girl that night when Kyuhyun’s lips were on his for seconds that turned into minutes that turned into hours that was turning into forever. 

 

_“We can fly away, sharing an overwhelmed heart, Those brilliant glory days…”_

 

**Six Months Later**

 

Changmin awoke to warm lips against his neck and groaned. “Kyu” he moaned. The other boy chuckled and continued to trail kisses down his neck to his chest. “I’m sleeping” Changmin groaned. “Not anymore” Kyuhyun smiled as the older boy blinked his eyes open and felt the weight of his lover lower on top of him. 

 

He wrapped his arms around Kyuhyun’s neck and pulled him in tight for a kiss. A kiss that portrayed so much more than just love. “Guess what?” Kyuhyun whispered. 

 

“What?”

“Today is six months since the last time you chewed on your lips.”

Changmin’s eyes went wide. He was right. It had been six months since the last time Changmin had drawn his own blood. He smiled. 

“Well thats because I have yours to chew on now.” Kyuhyun chuckled and pecked his lips. 

“I am so proud of you Minnie. I love you so incredibly much.” 

 

The younger boy leaned down to press a light kiss to his lips, next he traveled to his fingers, pressing a kiss to each cuticle, then to each wrist where the scars were healing and would never be re-opened, finally he pressed his lips to Changmin’s heart. 

 

“I love you too Kyu.” 

 

_“We can fly away, we can be proud, Because you and I will be together forever.”_


End file.
